Click on "The Circle" to See Photo!

The town of Gettysburg has a population of just over seven thousand people. Most weekends we expect a lot of additional people like you will come here. We natives call these additional people like you tourists because you are tourists. Were almost always happy to have you all here. Heres a primer of driving pointers for you from a life long resident of the area.

THE CIRCLE: We natives call the road thingie in the middle of Gettysburg that looks like a circle, The Circle. Its also called, at various times by Gettysburgians, The Square, or Lincoln Square. You can tell that the locals arent much for technical jargon. We do call the circle some other things, but none that can be printed here. Anyways.

The problem with the circle, henceforth called The Circle, is the fact that seven or eight roads feed The Circle. But, alas, The Circle has a chronic digestive problem with all the cars fed to it. Eleventy billion cars seemingly come into The Circle every hour, but only ten, or at best a dozen a day, can seemingly get out. Heres how to live through the circle.

Pedestrians in all crosswalks have the right of way anywhere in Gettysburg. We are firm believers that human flesh is no match when a ton of metal tries to tangles with it. Know which way you want to go out of The Circle before you enter it. Trying to read the conjugated conglomeration of road signs while you're in there is extremely difficult and could easily upset world economic conditions as well as shift the moon's orbit 21,000 miles closer to Earth. And you wouldnt want that on your conscience for the rest of your life, would you? That is, assuming you make it out of this seemingly forbidden area.

While you are waiting for the pedestrian traffic to clear the crosswalk, gaze at the grassy plot in the middle of The Circle. That oasislike plot in the middle thats nice to look at is just that...nice to look at. Do not ever attempt to walk to it. Its been infested with slimy snakes, icky spiders, carnivorous crocodiles, and bad comedians. Its also illegal and a really stupid thing to attempt to do.

Once you finally get your car through the crosswalk, you are officially in The Circle. Be observant of where you are at any given moment. This is important, because if you mistakenly go around The Circle three times, you can be fined by our police force. Local folklore credits the unofficial record of continuous revolutions around The Circle at one hundred-two. Under no circumstances should you attempt this maneuver. Trained drivers with safety helmets and roll bars set the record in the dead of winter at 4:12 am (Eastern Standard Time) under the cover of a moonless night.

Keep in mind the seven or eight roads that are feeding nearly eleventy billion cars to be bearing down on you at this very moment. These people want to get through The Circle, too. The traffic to your left, already in The Circle, has the right of way. At least thats true as I write this. Every couple of years the secret road gurus come in and change who has the right of way. I think this is done to keep life somewhat interesting for our native population.

Wait until you have a clear opening, or some native with a knowing look of solemn pity recognizes your camera, your out of state license, or that oh-my-gosh-what-do-I-do-now look on your face and waves you on. Bear right. For those of you scientifically inclined, this is counter-clockwise. For those not scientifically blessed, just try to point your car in the same general direction of all the cars directly in front of you. Exercise extreme caution and stay to the outside of The Circle, but not so far on the outside that you start hitting the cars parked there.

Do not, under any circumstances, get caught in traffic towards the inside of The Circle. If caught on the inside, it can literally be weeks until you get out. This is hard to explain to your boss when you get home a month late for work. And none of the local pizza delivery folks will venture to the inside of the circle if you get stuck there. Oh sure, they advertise free three mile delivery, but read the small print. It says *except for people stranded along the inside of The Circle. And I know of at least one woman touring Gettysburg that gave birth while stranded on the inside of The Circle. Her daughter was old enough to start kindergarten by the time they both got out.

Once youre in, you have the right of way, with the exception of the other eleventy billion cars in the circle with you. Assume nothing. Most of them are probably tourists, too and probably have no idea what theyre doing either. Once you get to the street you want, scan the crosswalk for pedestrians, and GET OUT.

Simple, isn't it?

And if you wish to park on the circumference of The Circle, don't back into the parking spaces. Watch when you're backing out of the parking spaces. Watch for cars backing out of the parking spaces. And feed the meters with small American coins. A dime might get you fifteen minutes of parking or so. Ten centimos coins from the Republic of Costa Rica will also work as dimes, and they're a lot less expensive. A quarter may get you thirty minutes and will afford your car doors the opportunity to be dinged and dented for a longer time. I get asked a lot about this. Two dimes will allow you to park for the same amount of time as a quarter. We know that. So just put in or dimes and please quit trying to make our lives complicated.

Your mileage may vary.

But above all, enjoy your stay in Gettysburg.